Vault of Death

A Feeling of Doom...: You know there's something wrong when there's no TBs in the opening teaser bit, and only one shot of the Tracy boys. That in itself's not so bad, but the fact that most of the rest are of Parker...

Location Budget: Hmmm, it's foggy, there's Big Ben. Yep, I'm convinced. Must be London.

Death to the Music Director! 'London Bridge is Falling Down' the orchestral version. Urge to kill...

Hypocrisy: "You haven't hurt him, have you, Parker?" What the hell do you care, you murdering cow?

National Security: I'm really really not impressed with the Bank of England's security. Discounting the safe, for a moment, as I'll be griping about that at length later, there's one policeman outside, and the entire alarm system can be disabled by fiddling around with some wires under a manhole just outside the bank itself. Also the door opens remarkably easily, considering that the explosion did no damage at all, and so the door must have been pushed open by the power of the blast.

Huh?: How did all the bank guys switch the lights on for the shock revelation that Lady P and Parker hadn't actually become marginally interesting and taken up bank robbing, if Parker had cut the power? Were they only pretending the alarm system had been disabled?

"Jolly good show, wot?" Death. Death to the malformed smelly butler man, and all other fake cockneys.

Weren't You In...?: Hey, it's another security guy armed with nothing but a whistle. Very optimistic about the criminals they're likely to encounter in the future, aren't they?

'Parkmoor Scrubs': Deep sigh of resignation and disappointment.

The Humanity: Oh, those vicious unruly prisoners with their tin cans against the bars... damn those overcrowed prison systems!

Logical Precautions: Why the hell don't they check their handy man-sized bins? Don't these guys watch prison movies?

Death by Escaping: Why is he smoking in the bin? He'll suffocate himself.

Blatancy: Explanation of the bank's locking system. Is it just me, or is it not the safest of ideas to have the only key carried around in some guy's briefcase?

Should Have Told the Designers, Really: Why put offices in the vault, anyway?

Physics: "I especially approve of the way the air is pumped out of the vault, sir. Papers keep so much better in a vacuum." Well, yes, but wouldn't it be easier to keep them in an inert gas? Rather than pumping all the air out of this massive vault, considering the pressures (well, lack of pressure, really. You know what I mean) involved?

Scene Stealer: "Parker must take most of the credit." Uh, all of it. You just stood around and snapped your fingers, luv.

The Peasants Still Aren't Revolting: Lord Silton approves of Parker because he 'knows his place'. Yeeees... it's stuff like this that started the French revolution, you know.

Lil: I'm not sure what to make of her. At first I thought she was meant to be Parker's bird, but I'm not so sure now. Either way, I quite like her. Especially the way she argues with him.

Smokin': I like the way the cooking pots steam. Nice.

Light Fingered Fred: So, he falls off the back of a lorry while he's in a dustbin, he rolls down a hill, still in a dustbin, then hits a tree. And he's still got the fag in his mouth.

Wickle: The bank's emergency call system sounds like a bird call. And not a very good one. He should get an air horn. Much more amusing.

Music: The music in this episode sucks arse. Can't go five bloody minutes without a painfully intrusive Whaa whaaa whaaaaaaaaa marking off another supposedly funny moment. Bloody Lady P eps...

FAB 1: "My car is capable of phenomenal speeds." That's all very well, you dippy bitch, but you'll be using public roads. There's speed limits and stuff. Please show a little respect for other road users.

Phew: It's almost worth sitting through this episode just for the sense of profound relief you get as the camera pans across to TB5. Your brain literally screams 'thank fuck, it's International Rescue. Something interesting might happen.'

Under the Influence: I'm convinced Virgil's pissed off his head throughout this episode. First evidence - holding the empty wine glass by the pool, then not showing up with the others in the lounge. I think he was still trying to stand up.

"Ah, Scott. Leave immediately.": Well, thanks, dad. (sniff) Thought you liked me...

Pretty: Full launch sequence for TB1.

Remembrance of Things Past: "Things have been kinda quiet on the space front." They've been completly silent on the underwater front. Poor Gordon...

Impressive: Virgil got changed in a hell of a hurry.

Poser: Scott draping himself over Lovegrove's desk. Ah, thighs.

"Well, we're not often beaten, Mr Lovegrove.": Have they ever been beaten? Or do we just not get to see the failed rescues?

Cutter's Choice: Why don't they use Brains' gas to cut through the door? They said it was faster than conventional methods, and it looks to me like they're trying to use the rayguns to cut through the door.

Heh heh heh...: "It won't take that long with our equipment..."

The Owls Are Not What They Seem: The close-up of the owl when they're in the wood reminds me so much of Twin Peaks...

Inbred Brains: "I see now that it was you who put the videophone out of action." What did you think before? Silly bint.

Aghhh! Comedy crap woman driver. But it's Lady P, so it's a bit more believable.

Evil Murdering Bitch Monster of Death: So, she forces some poor bugger off the road, they hit a tree head on, and she doesn't even stop. But don't worry, it was probably only a commoner.

Ugh, It's Grandma: Ah, the difficulties of predicting the future. The old London subway, now completely abandoned. "Of course, that was before these new-fangled monorails." Mind you, we've got a few decades yet. They might make a comeback.

Dirty boy!: How the hell did Virgil and Alan get so dirty? I'll tell you why, because Virg's pissed, and he's been driving into walls.

Poser 2: Scott's draping himself over the desk again.

Lord Silton: Left the key at Lady P's. (Hey, that rhymes! sorry) Not a good idea, really, was it. And surely they could have found a phone box along the way...

Safes: Look, the last two safes have been proved to be pants. Sod making the safe secure, as you're obviously incapable, and hire a lot of big scary men to hit anyone who comes near it.

Light Fingered Fred 2: The rest of this episode is poor. The last scene is cringeworthy.