First Lensman.

By E.E. 'Doc' Smith.

Synopsis:
Virgil Samms gets all the power in the universe.

Review:
I have made a wonderful discovery - Lensman books are much better when you read them under the influence of moderate amounts of alcohol (and I do mean moderate, it wouldn't be a good idea to try and read them when completely pissed, on account of the many different plots that tend to happen all at once).

This was better than Triplanetary. Or maybe I've just got a bit of distance... Anyway, I think I enjoyed it more. Well, I say enjoyed... Tolerated. (Well, I say tolerated...) Maybe because the Arisians and Eddorians didn't get so much to do. Maybe because Conway Costigan is being relegated to an incidental character. I don't know why I hate him in particular so much - the others are all as bad. It's probably just because I had to put up with so much of him and Clio last book.

The female character situation remains dire. Every woman in this book is either someone's mother, someone's wife, or just a sexual object. In some cases, all three (Dimples Maynard. If that is her real name). I swear I will stop going on about this (next review, honest), because the situation isn't likely to improve, and I don't really have anything new to say. I'll just add this one short example of Conway and Clio to try to illustrate why this series pisses me off at times:

"And in that connection, I'll have to be out half the night again tonight. All right?"

It was sometimes hard to tell what impish Mrs. Costigan meant by what she said. Costigan looked at her, decided she was taking him for a ride, and smacked her a couple of times where it would do the most good. He then kissed her thoroughly and left. He had very little time, these days, either to himself or for his lovely and adored wife.

I do have to point out one little thing. There aren't any female Lensmen (or Lenswomen, as the case may be). Apparently, female minds are not suited to the lens. However, there are several alien Lensmen by the end of the book. Now, let's think about this. Fair enough, some people aren't suited to the lens. It needs a specific kind of person, who thinks in a specific kind of way. Fair enough, there are general traits in male and female thinking patterns and abilities. For example, men are generally better at thinking in three dimensions. However, these are only very general traits, probably caused more by upbringing rather than innate ability, and certainly not universally applicable. Now, if the ability to use the lens is apparent only in such an itty bitty (but no titties) section of humanity, what are the chances of a life-form that evolved in some other solar system having the correct personality traits? It's fucking ludicrous.

The actual wording used is 'Lenses are as masculine as whiskers'. Well, there's this woman I see down the bus stop sometimes, and she's got whiskers santa would kill for.

It's like I was saying last time - in these books, the central characters, the ones with the power, the ones who get lenses, the ones who get all the lines, are your average middle-class professional white males. More often than not American. It just really depresses me - this is supposed to be the future, all the crappy prejudices with no basis in reality are supposed to be gone. But instead, this version of the future has them so deeply institutionalised that none of the characters even comment on it, and the downtrodden masses are supposed to be happy with their lot. I know perfectly well that this is just a reflection of the time at which it was written, but it's seriously messing with my willing suspension of disbelief. To quote Steve Barnes on a similar topic: "It is not easy for human beings to look at those of other cultures, races, or genders and recognize their own humanity. It has never been easy. For years, science fiction fans said that our field trains us to do this, to see the heart hidden within the alien form. But, apparently, only as long as a white guy was wearing the costume."

Right, something positive... I liked the way the space combat was done. There was obviously a lot of thought gone into that, and I swear the battle cones were behind the planet killer from The Doomsday Machine.

Something else positive... um... I actually quite like Virgilia Samms. Once you get over her name (poor thing. It's one of those names that just screams 'we wanted a boy' isn't it?) and the amount of times she manages to get her clothes off, she's actually quite cool. For a woman in a Lensman book. And she's mean to Jack Kinnison. More people, I feel, should be mean to Jack Kinnison.

...and back to the bitching. I can't say I'm convinced that this whole Galactic Patrol/Lensmen idea is all that good. Yes, the Arisians say it is, and isn't that conforting, children? The big kindly omnipotent aliens (that, incidentally, only Lensmen and friends of Lensmen have spoken to) will make all your decisions for you, don't worry... Honestly, you might as well say God told you to set up the Galactic Patrol, it comes to pretty much the same thing, and we all know how well god-sponsered projects have turned out in the past. Basically, I would be convinced that Lensmen could run the galaxy without all being seduced by power and turning into megalomaniacs, if I believed for one second that shite about not being able to lie via the Lens. The human mind, let's not forget, is entirely capable of lying to itself, never mind lying to other people. Crazy people think they're sane, and dictators think they're doing it all for the good of the people. I don't think mind-to-mind contact is going to help when it comes to weeding out the crazies. Fair enough, the ones who are just bastards won't get very far, but the ones who're mad in ze head are going to take some spotting. And everyone's crazy to some degree. People who're, to all intents and purposes, perfectly sane manage to hold opinions and beliefs that make no sense at all when examined with the slightest hint of rationally. Look at all the people who are still convinced God is real, or that things would be genuinely better if all the immigrants were removed from the country. I think what I'm trying to say at this point is, Mr. Smith (or at least his charcters) seem to believe that there's something inherantly noble in a certain type of man. And I don't believe (and never will) that there's anything noble about any aspect of humanity.

Anyway, enough of this soul-sucking cynicism. I'll see you next time, just as soon as I manage to get my hands on a copy of Galactic Patrol.