Shrek.

Synopsis:
A big mean ogre (called Shrek) lives all alone in a swamp. One day, the evil (and short. Because short people are funny, aren't they kids? Don't worry, it's perfectly OK to mock people because of a physical attribute over which they have no control, Shrek said so. Oh, unless it's skin colour, of course. Then it's very very bad) Lord Farquod banishes all fairytale creatures from his not-quite-a-kingdom (on account of him not being a king. Doesn't say what did happen to the king, if indeed there ever was one...), and they all move into Shrek's swamp. He's not very happy about this, so Lord Farquod offers to drive all the fairytale creatures away if he (Shrek) will rescue a princess from a dragon so that he (Lord Farquod) can marry her and become a proper king.

Review:
First off, I'd like to state for the record that this was a very enjoyable movie. I thought it was great at the time. The problem is, thinking about it afterwards, I just keep coming up with more and more things wrong with it...

For one thing, there were some gaping plot holes. I think I remember something in the credits about it being adapted from a book, and if that is the case, it would certainly explain the mysterious lack of background information... (films from books always suffer, bless 'em) For example: why was Lord Farquod so anti-fairytale creatures, anyway? When he kicked them out of Shrek's swamp, where did they go? And seeing as how Shrek was responsible for them being kicked out of their (apparently) only refuge, why were they all so friendly with him at the end? How did the gingerbread man escape from Lord Farquod? Speaking of the end, why the hell are all the fairytale creatures hanging around with the torturer for fuck's sake? (No, he's a good person really, he was just misguided... the evil short person led him astray...) Why was the dragon keeping Princess Fiona prisoner? (I'll stop now...)

Another thing that, to my mind, stood out as... well, a bit dodgy, really, was Shrek's 'I'm going to get Lord Farquod to get rid of you all' speech when the fairytale creatures first show up in his swamp. In light of the present travellers/asylum seekers political climate, I thought the 'send you all back where you came from' line was a little questionable. Especially considering the reaction it got. (I'm sorry, I read much too much into things...)

Anyway, enough whingeing, on to the good bits (and, as I said, the bad points only came to mind some time after seeing the movie). It was gorgeous, and deserving of it's reputation. It was a perfectly good kids movie, with enough little extra bits to keep the adults entertained as well.

Princess Fiona was cool, albeit a little dippy. The Matrix piss-take and singing with the bluebirds were my favourite bits.

Speaking of piss-takes, the movie's treatment of classic fairy tales was very nice. I'm also reliably informed that there were a number of Disney piss-takes in there as well. I wouldn't know. I don't watch Disney.

The music was very cool, especially the song and dance routine at the end.

I really like ogre ears. I want some.

Donkey and the Dragon - while sweet, I'm not entirely convinced that it's really going to work... (He'll be smothered, surely... Does that sort of thing occur to kids? Buggered if I know...)

Similarly, early on, at least, I thought Fiona must be on to a good thing with Shrek, what with him being a big huge ogre and her a tiny little human... I think maybe I think about sex a bit too much. Or, at least, too much when watching kiddies' movies...

Conclusion - Fun, but I couldn't sit through it too many times.