Lady Penelope needs killing because...

I really don't like her. For one thing, there's her callous disregard for human life, see 'Trapped in the Sky' and all the other episodes where she shoots some poor bastard off the road to... well, not die, because it's Thunderbirds, but they really would have... for the atrocious crime against humanity of taking pictures of the IR craft. What about TB1's magnetic wiping thingy? Surely Scott could fly over on his way home and foil them with slightly less wanton distruction? Ah, but then she'd be entirely pointless... Speaking of Scott, compare his behaviour in 'Move - and You're Dead' with the above Lady P evil in 'Trapped in the Sky'. There's some bad guys who've just tried to kill his grandmother and little brother, as well as stealing the new top secret car (which isn't actually an IR secret, but I bet Brains would be quite pissed off if they let them get away). He chases them, fires a warning shot, they don't stop, fires ANOTHER warning shot, before they drive themselves off the road. If it was Lady P, they'd be dead in ten seconds.

Actually not true, if it was Lady P, TB1 would have crashed into a mountain or something. But the principle still works.

And then there's the whole her and Jeff thing. Okay, so it's not as obvious as the Alan/Tin-Tin thing, but then that's canon, so it's allowed to be obvious. I bet she's one of those aristocrats whose money's run dry, and all she's got left is the stately home and the title. Look at the dialog in 'Trapped in the Sky', she's running couch tours of the house. Desperate for money. And then she shows an interest in the single multi millionaire... I mean it can't be for the humanitarian side of IR, on account of her being a bitch monster of death. See above. More evidence of her being broke - she only seems to employ Parker and Lil, neither of which, I would imagine, are particularly expensive. What other aristocrat would hire an ex-con as a butler? And from her temporarily believing that Parker really was pruning the roses in 'Vault of Death' we can assume that she doesn't hire any gardening staff. Bloody little gold-digger. Jeff can do so much better.

This point applies not only to Lady P but to just about every British character on the show. They're all fundamentally unlikeable. I sometimes find it incredibly difficult to believe that this really is a British show, it's just so Americanised. There's no point either, as it's already got the perfect format to be sold to Japan... Still, at least the Hood's not British. Honestly, if Gerry Anderson didn't make such lovable TV shows, I might be tempted to go off him.

Not only are they unlikeable, but they're all so damn stereotypical. You've got the hideously posh ones (Lady P, the controller guy at London airport) or the working class ones (Parker) who hold the Aristocracy in SUCH high regard... Not to mention all the British pilots sound like they're auditioning for Biggles - The Movie. Where's the estuary english? Where're the scousers? Where's the bloody middle class, for god's sake? Take that scene in 'Vault of Death' with Parker and Lil in the kitchen. How cringeworthy is that? "Stew - me favourite!" Yeah, right. Parker would be into pizza and burgers and sausage sandwiches. Stew is for people who can't afford proper food. Although, as Lady P is paying their wages, they probably can't...

There's not only the problems of her depiction as an Englishwoman, there's also the usual problems that all the female characters have, this being, after all, a sixties show. For me, the most jarring example of this is in 'The Mighty Atom' when she does her 'oh-it's-a-mouse-how-horrible' routine. What's so scary about mice? They're cute. Virg, don't just laugh at her, trick her into the ejector seat, and throw her into the Pacific. Much more amusing.

It's not just the principles she embodies, either. Sure, she gives Englishwomen reason to slap Gerry Anderson, but she's also annoying in of herself.

To be fair, I do find all posh people amazingly irritating, but Lady P is one of the worst. That I voluntarily view on a regular basis, that is. She talks so damn slowly. They should let her actually do something during the rescues. Maybe then she'll begin to understand the need for haste, and that you can't get away with lounging around complaining about how tiresome the whole thing is just because you've got a title. Not to mention the bloody accent. I don't care if it was how Sylvia Anderson spoke normally. In that case she was an upper-class bitch as well.

That's not fair. I do actually have a lot of admiration for Sylvia Anderson. And the thing is, if Lady P had her own show, which she obviously needed (some might say she achieved that with the second series of Thunderbirds, but that would just be petty), I would probably sing it's praises. The problem is I really like Thunderbirds. And by that I do mean Thunderbirds - I like the show when it's about International Rescue saving people. And when I watch it and find that it's turned into a show about Lady P playing at being James Bond I get a bit annoyed.

Now, let's talk about FAB 1. I think the fact that Jeff's non-violence idea was ignored during the planning stage of this bastard of a vehicle has already been covered, so let's move on to the paintwork. Who in the name of hell voluntarily has a pink car? It's not big, it's not clever, and it's definatly NOT classy. Classy is white. Or black. Or maybe cream. Not pink. Pink is what you paint your car if you're an exhibitionist, who has decided to cope with her role as a secret agent by hiding in plain sight.

And finally, a word from Scone. "Down with annoying blonde aristocrats!!!"