Back to...
or...
By Ceefax.
A few uneventful, if slightly uncomfortable, nights later, on the outskirts of Celadon woods, an argument was taking place.
"I never touched it! For fuck's _sake_, Meowth, you're so _stupid_! Why the _hell_ would I want pokémon food!?"
"You'll eat _anything_, everyone knows that." Meowth glowered at James.
As her companions' voices rose still further in agitation, Jesse stared into the fire. Normally she would have shut them up by now, especially as she had seen Meowth absent-mindedly dropping his food back into his bag only minutes after he had taken it out, but she was far too depressed.
"Didn't!"
"Did!"
"_Didn't_!"
"_Did_!"
None of them were really speaking to the others except to fight - they were all too embarrassed. Jesse blamed Meowth for starting the whole thing, but didn't want to confront him, because she was thoroughly ashamed of herself for letting him take it that far.
Just as James was holding Meowth above his head, threatening to throw him into the fire, and Meowth was clinging to his arm with all twelve claws, screaming for help, an unnecessarily large motorbike pulled up. The black-clad rider dismounted and pulled off his helmet. James and Meowth had frozen, creating an interesting tableau, and were staring curiously at the newcomer. He pushed his light blond hair out of is eyes and grinned confidently. James dropped Meowth and narrowed his eyes at the newcomer. "Hello, _Ted_."
He scowled. "Hi, _Jim_."
"What do you want?" Jesse asked, sounding bored.
"Oh, I don't want anything."
"Then piss off."
He gave an unconvincing laugh. "Jessica, it's so good to see you again. I really miss you when the boss sends you off on these," pause for smug grin, "little missions."
James snorted, and Meowth had a sudden coughing fit.
"You know," Theodore continued, ignoring them, "I never could figure out why the boss assigned you such useless partners. We would have made a great team..."
Jesse finished yawning delicately behind her hand and asked "so what _was_ it you wanted?"
"The boss sent me to find you. He wants you to report to his office as soon as possible."
They exchanged worried looks.
"If you like, Jessica, I could put in a good word for you. You don't have to stay with these losers for the rest of your life."
James moved to her side and put his arm around her shoulders. Meowth took the other side and put his arm around her knees. "You're insulting the team, Ted," Jesse said, a dangerous smile on her face. "I think that calls for a battle."
"But, Jesse, we'll lose," James whispered urgently into her ear.
"No, we won't," she hissed between clenched teeth, her smile remaining firmly in place.
"We _always_ do," he whined.
"Shut up, James."
"If the lovely lady insists upon a battle..." Theodore said, "go, Grimer!"
"Ekans, go!" Jesse yelled in reply, throwing her pokéball. The poison pokémon appeared and gaped it's mouth at it's opponent.
"Ekansssss!"
"Grimer!"
"Crap," James muttered, desperately rifling through his pockets. Meowth silently handed him a pokéball. "Go, Koffing!"
"Koffing!" Sparkling prettily, the latest addition joined the battlefield.
"Shouldn't we do the motto?" James asked.
"No point. He's Team Rocket, too."
"It doesn't feel right... Shouldn't we anyway?"
"Ekans, tail whip! Now!" Ekans' tail shot out, and Grimer staggered back. Before it could recover...
"Koffing! Smog attack!"
"Ekans! Bind it!"
"Two against one isn't fair!" Theodore howled, as his pokémon was attacked from both sides.
"But Team Rocket doesn't play fair, Ted," said Jesse, smugly, then finished with an evil snicker.
Meanwhile, the struggle between Grimer and Ekans ended as Grimer slipped from Ekans' coils. "Grimer! tackle!" Ted yelled. Koffing was knocked out of the air. James fumed.
"Ekans! Bite!"
"Koffing! Koffing!? KOFFING!" James' pokémon was bobbing around in a small circle and paying no attention to it's master.
"What's the _matter_ with it?" Jesse snapped. "It didn't get hit _that_ hard."
"I don't know," James said, scratching his head in puzzlement. "Maybe I didn't get all the soap out from that bath."
"Koffkoffkoffkoffkoffkoffkoff..."
"Maybe it's being a train," Meowth suggested.
"Grimer! Sludge attack! Now!"
"KOFFING! Sludge attack, right _now_!"
"Koffing!"
"Grrrrrrimerrrrr!"
Both pokémon fell backwards as the identical attacks hit. Koffing stayed down. Grimer didn't.
"Ekans! Bind!" Jesse yelled as James called Koffing back.
"That didn't work," he reminded her. Jesse suddenly looked worried.
"Grimer!" it yelled triumphantly as it slipped free of Ekans for a second time.
"Ekans! Acid!"
"Grimer! Body slam!"
Before Ekans could draw itself up to aim, it was hit by the high-velocity opposition. The snake collapsed in an untidy heap, looked around with a confused expression, then flopped backwards.
Theodore grinned. "I guess that would make _me_ the winner."
"Not quite," Jesse said through gritted teeth, clipping the pokéball containing her unconscious Ekans back onto her belt. "Meowth! I choose you!"
"Huh?" Meowth's head snapped up, his eyes wide with shock. "No, you don't!"
"Just get out there and _fight_," Jesse hissed.
"No!"
"Meowth..."
"You can't make me! I'm not your pokémon!"
"You can fight Grimer or you can fight _me_," she told him, fingering her mallet with anticipation.
"Are we battling or not?" Theodore called.
"Just _go_," Jesse snapped, and the toe of her boot connected sharply with the root of Meowth's tail, propelling him into the arena.
"The boss is gonna hear about this!" Meowth yelled, warily eyeing up Grimer.
"Meowth! Scratch it!"
"Huh?" he said, looking backwards at his teammate.
"Grimer! Tackle!"
"Grimer!"
"MeeeeeOW!" Meowth was knocked to the ground as Grimer flew at him, and was pinned beneath the poison pokémon. Jesse and James winced.
A low growl floated over the arena. The three humans craned curiously forward. Meowth's eyes were glowing red. With an unintelligible screech, he flung himself at Grimer, claws and teeth ready, making the two pokémon vanish from sight in a cloud of dust.
It's hardly classic battle strategy," James noted, squinting into the cloud, "but that's our Meowth," he and Jesse finished together.
The dust cleared. Grimer lay on the floor, it's eyes dark spirals. Upon it's head was placed a pair of clawed feet.
"Grimer!" Theodore cried, fumbling for his pokéball, "return!" But the beam of light couldn't get past Meowth, striking an heroic pose atop his fallen adversary.
"We won," James whispered. He and Jesse turned to each other, identical grins of delight plastered across their faces.
"We won we won we won we won we won we won we won," they shrieked, doing a conga around the battlefield. Meowth left the unconscious Grimer and joined in.
Theodore slunk away from the celebration, trying not to be noticed. The motorbike made it a little difficult.
"Oh, James," Jesse said, when they had calmed down a little. "I never thought we would actually win a battle." She wiped a tear from her eye.
"I wish we'd done the motto," he replied, wistfully.
"Hey, you guys didn't win anything! It was Meowth that did all the work!"
"You know, he's sort of right," James said.
Jesse shrugged. "Who cares?"
The conga line started up again.
***
Later.
They lay on their backs watching the stars, except for Meowth, who was asleep. "I wonder what the boss wants," James said, sleepily.
"Hmmm?" Jesse asked, even more sleepily.
"Theodore said the boss wanted to see us."
"Theodore..." she speculated, "isn't he the one we just beat?"
They giggled. "I wonder what he _does_ want, though," James persisted.
"Probably wants to know why we haven't caught that pikachu. Stupid plan if you ask me, sending us to capture powerful pokémon when we can't even catch ordinary ones."
"I expect he thought Meowth would actually help us, instead of just eating all the food and coming up with crap plans."
"Yeah."
Pause.
"Jesse?"
"James?"
"What if we never capture Pikachu? What'll happen then?"
"We could always open a pokémon beauty salon."
"Or a fast food restaurant." James grinned up at the sky. "That'd be fun..."
"Go to sleep, James."
Pause.
"Jesse?"
"James?"
"Do you want to... share sleeping bags tonight?"
"No."
"Oh."
Pause.
"Why not?"
"I just _don't_ James."
"But... why not?"
With a haughty sniff, "I don't have to justify myself to _you_."
"Do I have to wake Meowth up first?"
Jesse's fan whipped through the air, and the amount of stars before James' eyes suddenly doubled. In the following silence she found herself pondering the situation a little more deeply.
"James?"
"Don't hit me!"
"We can if you like. But just for sleeping."
"Huh?"
"Share sleeping bags, idiot. Keep up."
"Don't want to now. You hurt me."
"Tough. Move."
***
"Mmm," Jesse murmured, woken by the soft, golden light of the dawn. "You're so beautiful..." She rolled to snuggle a little closer to James.
"You really think I am?" he asked, smiling hopefully.
"Huh? No, _me_, idiot."
"Oh." His face fell.
Beside them Meowth glared at the single sleeping bag and it's contents. With a chill in his voice, he addressed Jesse. "I thought you said you weren't going to let either of us near you again."
She got up and began brushing her hair. "I changed my mind. Lady's prerogative."
"Hate to have to break it to ya, sweetheart, but you're not actin' very ladylike."
The hairbrush hit him squarely on the head. He fell over backwards.
"So," James began, his voice a little too bright, "we're going to see the boss today, then...?"
"I suppose we might as well see what he wants," Jesse replied casually, still fiddling with her hair.
James sighed in resignation. Giovanni scared him worse than Jesse did. "Are we walking, or taking the balloon?"
"I can't be bothered with the balloon. We'll probably just get it blown up and then the wind'll change. It's a nice day, we'll walk."
"If Meowth comes round in time."
"He's fine. Look, he's waking up already."
The pokémon shook his head gently and staggered to his feet. He sat down carefully and regarded Jesse and James. "I suppose _now_ you two won't want Meowth around any more."
"That's a good idea," Jesse said with a wicked smile. "James, why didn't we think of that earlier?"
"No, you'll be too wrapped up in satisfying your own disgusting base instincts to even _think_ about your old pal. Just..." Jesse threw him a ball of wool and he batted at it delightedly with all four paws, a look of rapt attention on his face. Jesse ignored him and finished with her hair. James buried his face in the pillow and tried to go back to sleep.
He'd almost succeeded when Jesse prodded him back to consciousness. "Get up, and get that wool off Meowth. It's time we were going."
"That's not fair, you gave it to him." His mind sniggered and rearranged the sentence. He angrily told it to shut the hell up.
"I'm busy."
"But, Jesse..."
"_Ja_mes..."
"I'm going..."
***
"No!"
"Meowth, let go!"
"MINE!"
James made a dive and emerged with the wool, a pair of badly scratched hands, and Meowth wrapped around his wrist. He threw the wool to Jesse before Meowth could get his paws on it again.
"That's not fair. I just got to the good bit!"
"It's a ball of wool, how can there be a good bit?"
"What would _you_ know?" the pokémon howled in woolless despair.
"Meowth, get _off_ my arm!"
He dropped to the floor and stalked off, his tail held at a haughty angle. "Are you guys coming then? The boss _does_ want to see us."
"He's such a suck-up," Jesse complained, cramming her belongings into her pack.
James snorted.
"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" she asked, glaring suspiciously.
"Nothing."
"Anyway, you can't talk, you're twice as smarmy as he is."
"Hey! Take that back!"
"You're right, that was uncalled for. I'm sorry, James."
James grinned in a worried and embarrassed way. "That's okay..." They hugged.
"Hey! If you two can drag yourselves away from each other for five minutes, we've got an appointment, remember?"
The two humans heaved deep sighs and trailed off after their teammate. "I think he's jealous," James whispered in Jesse's ear. She hit him.
***
They stood outside a huge, black door, with strangely intimidating carvings decorating the frame. Jesse and James were trying not to look nervous, but Meowth was practically giggling with anticipation. "I don't know what _you're_ so happy about," James snapped at him. "He's just as horrible to you. He replaced you with a persian, remember?"
Meowth scowled. "I wouldn't expect _you_ to understand. A pokémon has a certain bond with it's master. It's far beyond human comprehension."
"I thought you _were_ a human," Jesse chimed in.
"Yeah, in a pokémon's body."
Meowth panicked. "Don't say that near the boss! I told you that in strictest confidence!"
"_I_ don't remember you saying it was a secret."
"Neither do I."
They grinned evilly down at the pokémon.
"Guys, c'mon, please!" Meowth grovelled. "You can't tell him, he'll think I'm weird!"
They sniggered. "You mean weird_er_."
"Look, I mean it, don't embarrass me in front of the boss."
"Or you'll do _what_?" Jesse scoffed.
"This!" Meowth screeched, and scratch attacked. When Jesse and James finally succeeded in fighting him off and stamping him into submission, they realised that Giovanni's secretary was watching them from the doorway. She gave their torn clothes, lacerated skin and enraged pokémon a disdainful look, then indicated the open door.
"You may enter now."
Jesse flicked her hair back with an expression of superiority to rival that of the secretary. "_Thank_ you," she said as she strode past. James scuttled after her, and Meowth staggered after him.
They entered the poorly lit office. From their previous visits they knew to stand back from the desk and wait in silence. While their boss, wreathed in shadow, continued with his paperwork, they surreptitiously attempted to repair some of the battle damage. Eventually the pen was laid on the desk with a faint _click_ and Giovanni looked up at them. A slim, elegant, grey persian jumped up onto the desk and had it's ears tickled.
"Hi, boss!" Meowth squeaked. He was rewarded with a benevolent smile.
"I expect you're wondering why I asked to see you."
"Yes, sir," Jesse and James said together, pulling themselves to attention.
"I don't know if you remember, but I once asked you to catch me a certain pikachu."
They exchanged a worried glance.
"We're trying, boss, but it keeps beating us," Meowth whined.
"Yes, I've heard about your... I can't really call it progress, can I? In fact, correct me if I'm wrong, but neither of you have _ever_ won a pokémon battle."
They automatically hung their heads in shame, until Jesse suddenly remembered. "No, wait, we _have_ won a battle!"
"Oh, yeah!" James cried, happily.
"Hey! _I_ won that battle! Meowth!"
Jesse and James both rounded on him.
"Only after Koffing and Ekans weakened it!"
"You didn't have a _clue_ what you were doing!"
"_We_ won, you selfish little imbecile!"
Giovanni interrupted. "So, what badge did you win?"
"Um... It wasn't actually a gym leader..."
"_Well_?"
Jesse muttered something unintelligible. The persian leapt gracefully from the desk and paced before them, growling menacingly.
"I'm sorry, but I didn't quite catch that," Giovanni said, somehow managing to make his voice sound even more threatening.
"We beat Theodore," James told him, staring at his own scuffed boots.
Giovanni folded his hands in front of him and regarded them in silence for a moment. "Let me see if I understand this correctly," he said, the beginnings of a smile playing around his mouth. "You two have, in the entire duration of your careers as pokémon trainers, won a single battle. Against a member of your own team. Also, judging from the content of your earlier argument, it took all of your pokémon and one of mine to achieve this victory. Theodore has a grimer, I believe."
"Yes, sir," they muttered, carefully examining the floor.
Giovanni reached for his intercom. The secretary answered. "Could you send Theodore in, please?"
"Right away, sir."
Jesse and James looked slightly panicked. Meowth and Persian started to stalk around each other. The three humans sat and stood in silence until the door clicked open.
Theodore entered, saluted Giovanni, and stood at crisp attention beside the desk.
"I believe you all know each other," Giovanni said, with a wicked little smile.
"Jessica," Theodore greeted her, sweeping across the room, seizing her hand and planting a kiss on it before she could snatch it back. She looked vaguely horrified and wiped it on her skirt. "Jim," Theodore continued, dismissively.
James fumed. "Why don't you leave her alone, _Ted_. She's not interested."
Jesse smacked him in the face with a fan. "I can speak for myself, James."
Theodore sniggered. Giovanni cleared his throat. "Children, if you've _quite_ finished. Theodore, is it true that they battled you and won?"
He looked uncomfortable. "Yes, but they used both their pokémon at once. _And_ I would have won anyway if they hadn't made that meowth fight."
There was a sudden outbreak of yowling from floor-level as Meowth and Persian's staring contest erupted into violence.
Giovanni shook his head, sadly. "Theodore, you may go. Jesse, James..."
"Sir?"
"You're fired."
"What?" Jesse shrieked.
"We're unemployed," James cried. "How're we going to _eat_?"
Theodore shot them a smug look as he carefully closed the door behind him.
"But, but we've always tried our best," Jesse pleaded, tears brimming in her eyes. "We'll catch Pikachu, I promise, just give us one more chance..."
"I can't afford to keep paying you to screw up. Face it, you're both useless. You proved _that_ when you needed Meowth to win."
Meowth heard his name and looked up from chewing Persian's ear. "I never wanted to, she made me," he yelled desperately, just before Persian swiped at his face with a set of long, sharp claws.
"You never wanted to fight?" Giovanni asked, confused.
"Fight?" Meowth asked, extracting himself from the battle as best he could. "Oh, no, boss, I want to _fight_..."
Jesse and James exchanged glances.
"Then what didn't you want to do?" He looked over at Jesse, who blushed.
"Uh, nothin' really..."
He stood up to tower even more over his pokemon. "Meowth, tell me what you meant. Now."
"I swear, boss, it was nothin'! Just a slip of the tongue..."
James patted Jesse's back until she recovered from her nasty coughing fit. "Do you two know what he's talking about?" Giovanni asked them.
"Absolutely not, sir."
"I _see_." A long finger snaked out and pressed a button on the desk. The front panel slid across, revealing a small hypno. Persian leapt hastily back up onto the desktop, leaving Jesse, James and Meowth staring helplessly into the psychic pokémon's deep eyes.
Giovanni sat back, stroked his persian, and waited until his ex-employees were thoroughly hypnotised.
***
Jesse was woken by the cold. Upon opening her eyes she discovered that the chill enshrouding her body had been caused by the setting of the sun, the cold breeze that was gently rustling the leaves of the trees surrounding her, and the fact that she was dressed only in her underwear. She sat up suddenly, eyes wide with shock, and looked wildly around. James lay spread-eagled beside her, similarly attired, with Meowth curled up on his chest. The pokémon rose and fell gently as her partner breathed slowly in and out. Their bags were piled nearby and she rummaged through hers to find something to wear, but her uniform had disappeared. Behind her James began to stir, so she quickly pulled on her biker outfit.
"Wass hapnin?"
"I think we really have been fired," she told him. "They've taken our uniforms."
"But it suited me," he whined.
Meowth stretched and yawned. James screamed and flailed at the pokémon as sharp claws were forced into his bare chest. He finally dislodged the cat by rolling onto his hands and knees.
"Well, excuse _me_," Meowth snapped. "It's just a _reflex_, I can't help it."
James grabbed him by the throat and shook him. "This is all your fault! If you'd have kept your mouth shut, we'd still have our jobs!"
"You're the ones who can't catch that pikachu! _That's_ what you were fired for!"
They both shut hastily up when they saw Jesse approaching, but she didn't hit them. Instead she pulled Meowth away from James and sat down between them, staring sadly at her feet.
James got up and grabbed some clothes. When he sat down again, his partner had not moved. "Jesse? Are you okay?" he asked, hesitantly reaching out for her.
"I can't believe it's all over," she sniffed. James' lip began to tremble. They simultaneously flung themselves into each other's arms. "No more Team Rocket!" they wailed.
"Hey, hold on, you guys," Meowth interrupted. "Why're you so upset?"
They stared blankly; then...
"We don't have to put up with those kids beating us all the time..."
"Jesse!" James yelled in sudden realisation, "we don't _ever_ have to dig another hole!"
"I can dedicate more time to perfecting my beauty," she mused, smoothing back her flawless hair. They grinned at one another and did a strange, spontaneous dance. "No more Team Rocket! Yes!" They hi-fived.
Meowth looked smug. "Shall we get some dinner to celebrate our new-found freedom?"
"Has the boss let you go as well?" James asked him. "You could probably sell a talking pokémon for a _lot_ of money," he continued to Jesse. "_I_ wouldn't just let him go."
"I don't know," Meowth said, a worried look spreading across his face.
"What about that special bond between a pokémon and it's master?" Jesse teased.
"You remember," James continued, "the one no human can truly understand?"
"You don't think he's sold me to you guys, do you?" Meowth asked, not amused. Jesse and James dived for their wallets.
"Nope, all there," James announced, collapsing with relief.
"Me neither." Jesse slumped beside him.
"Then what'm I supposed to do?" Meowth whined.
James struck a wise-old-master pose. "Pokémon without master like tomato with wheels."
Jesse hit him, but with a playful tap rather than her usual bruising thump. "Go back to your master, Meowth. He only sacked _us_."
"But... guys..." He swallowed hard. "What're you going to do without Meowth?
Jesse put her arm around James. "What we shouldn't have done _with_ Meowth."
"Huh?" James asked.
Jesse went slightly pink, smiled shyly, and moved one hand downwards a little. "Think about it, James."
Dawning realisation, accompanied a look of slight worry.
Meowth gave a dramatic sniff. "Well... bye then. It's been," choked sob, "nice working with you..." He walked away, his shoulders hunched up and his feet dragging. For about twenty metres. Then he abruptly straightened up and spun around. "What'm I _sayin'_? It has _not_ been nice working with _either_ one of you! You're just a pair of self-obsessed morons, who can't even dig a hole right! I've come up with a lifetime's worth of perfect plans and you two have ruined every last _one_! I never wanna see you again!" He turned his back on them and stomped off, nose and tail in the air, leaving Jesse and James staring open-mouthed.
"What was _that_ all about?" James asked. "What did we ever do to _him_?"
"I seem to recall that he screwed up _our_ plans on a regular basis."
"Who the hell does he think he is, anyway?"
"Just because he can talk he reckons he can think as well."
"Let him go and wreck the boss's plans. We'll see how _he_ manages to capture pokémon with that worthless furball under his feet."
"Team Rocket doesn't need useless little freaks like that!" Jesse cried triumphantly, striking a pose.
"Um, Jesse..."
***
Meowth's explosive mood had dissipated by the time he had walked back through the woods and the city, reaching Team Rocket headquarters as the sun began to rise, then been kept waiting in Giovanni's outer office for three hours. His initial plan - to march straight up to his master, unveil a new and brilliant plan for capturing Pikachu that would work perfectly if he was only assigned a couple of competent assistants, then promptly be declared the boss's favourite pokémon and his legal heir - had been abandoned in favour of shameless begging and crawling.
But he could only put this plan into action if he actually got to talk to his master, who was apparently in a very important, and surprisingly lengthy, meeting.
***
"Jesse, I'm hungry. Hungry and jobless..."
"Calm down. We've got enough money to last us a while. We're going to be all right."
"Oh, Jesse, please don't abandon me..."
"I'll never leave you, James..."
They snuffled in each other's arms until Jesse decided she had enough mucus on her shoulder. "James?"
"Yes, Jesse?"
"Do you want to share sleeping bags tonight?"
He smiled shyly and nodded.
When they finished organising the sleeping arrangements and he was lying on his side with his head resting on her shoulder he said: "have you got any ideas? About what we're going to do now?"
"I did have a few ideas..."
"Well, go on, then."
"How does 'Salon Jesseé?' sound?"
He grinned widely. "Good idea. We'll have to do something about the name..."
***
"But, boss, it _wasn't_ my _fault_!"
"Persian was always very even tempered until you came back. Now you two are fighting constantly. If this doesn't stop I'll have to start keeping one of you in a pokéball."
"Please, boss, you know I'm claustrophobic! I didn't start the fight, I swear! She just jumped at me!"
"She's been jumping at you a lot lately, hasn't she, Meowth?"
"Yeah! Seems like every time I turn around I get a set of claws in the face... hey... hey, she does! I'm not lyin', I swear!"
From behind him there came the heavy, velvet silence of Persian's paws meeting the floor. He turned around and met the cool, confident gaze of his latest adversary.
"Mrrrrorrr."
"Yeah, and so's your old man," Meowth muttered.
Giovanni gave them both a fatherly smile, malice glinting in his dark eyes. "Why can't you two just get along? Meowth, remember you're going to be a persian one day."
"Sure, on the day I get my brain removed."
"What was that, Meowth?"
"Nothin' boss."
"And Persian, remember when you used to be a meowth? Would you have wanted to be constantly fighting against stronger pokémon?"
"Mwrrrr, rowwrrrr."
Meowth looked furious. "You... you cheap pussy!" he yelled, flying at his rival. Within seconds they were nothing but a ball of dust on the floor, from which an extremity would occasionally emerge. Giovanni watched with slowly building rage.
***
"What do you think, Jess?"
"Well... It's not really as big as I'd like," she mused, talking directly over Cecil's head to address her partner. The short-statured estate agent opened his mouth to begin an exposition on the potential for expansion, but James effortlessly interrupted.
"I don't like the look of those walls. We should really get someone to look at the plaster before we consider it."
"Mm. The location isn't brilliant, either."
"_What_ was the asking price again?"
Cecil opened his mouth, but Jesse cut in. "Entirely too much. I liked that one across town, didn't you?"
"Oh, yes. Much more central. Much more roomy." He pushed up his small, circular sunglasses.
Cecil finally broke in. "The asking price is quite flexible, I assure you. I'm authorised to go down to half now, and if that's not acceptable..."
"I think someone wants to get rid of this place pretty badly," James said, with a gleeful smile.
"We'll give you two hundred for it," Jesse said.
"Madam! The land value alone is over five hundred!"
"But when you include demolition, materials, rebuilding..."
"It's a very generous offer, really."
"We're gong to be in debt if we take this place now."
"And there are plenty of other options..."
"In fact," Jesse decided, "forget that offer. I don't think this place is practical."
"No, madam, surely you don't want to make such an important decision so quickly. We recommend, to _all_ our customers, that they take plenty of time to consider the situation and to find..."
"No. Sorry. Not at that price."
"One hundred is the lowest we can possibly go."
"Seventy five would work better for us," James said, examining his silver sparkly nails.
Cecil pursed his lips. "Ninety."
"Eighty," Jesse countered.
"Eighty five."
"Eighty two."
"Eighty four."
"Eighty three."
"Done." He extended an eager hand to James. Jesse shook it.
***
Barely half an hour later they emerged with a crisp, new, deed of ownership. "He really _was_ desperate to get rid of that place," James noted.
"I told you we wouldn't have to spend all our money," Jesse said, smugly.
"You're great at haggling, Jesse."
"We just make a good team. But what was all that about the walls, rich kid? You've never seen dry rot in your life."
James laughed so hard he almost fell over, and Jesse took his elbow to steady him. They walked along arm in arm. "It's going to be great," James said, dreamily. "We'll have so much fun without Meowth."
"He did take the whole thing a bit too seriously."
"He just wanted to be back in the boss's good books."
"I wonder how he's getting on?"
"Probably driving everyone crazy. That's what he's best at."
Jesse gave an uncharacteristically girlie giggle. "I'd like to see him scratch the boss's face when his precious plans get screwed up."
***
Meowth tried to put his paws over his ears, but it didn't work. He tried to moan with frustration, but that didn't work either. He really hated being trapped in a pokéball; it was hideously cramped, and he had no body. Existing as a beam of red light had been sort of cool at first, but he had tired of it very quickly. Then he had begun to hate it. Then his master had decided to keep him in a pokéball.
His red and white universe suddenly rolled over. It would be enough to make him cry, if he had any tear ducts. Persian was playing with him again.
His non-existent stomach was trying to tell his non-existent brain that he felt nauseous, which was only adding to the overall confusion. *It's not fair,* he thought, miserably. *What did I ever do to _her_? Why do _I_ get stuck in the pokéball?*
"Persian?" came the muffled voice of his beloved master. "Are you playing with the pokéballs again? Look, I've got you a ball of your own to play with."
"Mwwror." Meowth was smacked vigourously from side to side.
"Come _on_, it even has a little bell in it..."
"_Mrr_."
"Persian, give me the pokéball."
Meowth felt the disorientating sensation of being lifted.
"_Good_ girl."
Followed by the sound of a deep contented purr and the tinkle of a little bell.
A vivid image ran through Meowth's mind. Jesse's long, elegant, gloved hand dropping a ball of wool in front of him, and the hours of satisfaction that followed. He tried to scream.
***
"Welcome to Salon Jesseé!"
"You're our very first customer!"
"Do I get any special deals, then?" asked the tall, slim, green-haired woman standing in the doorway.
Jesse and James brayed blatantly false laughs. "And who are we beautifying today?" Jesse asked, ignoring the question.
"I hope you can do sensible styles as well," the very first customer asked, ignoring Jesse's question. "That koffing in the window looks a little extreme."
"That's what I _said_, but he didn't listen," James protested.
"Of course we..." Jesse began, then broke off to give her partner a confused look. "How did you know what it wanted? We lost our interpreter, remember?"
"I can tell what he wants," James said, defensively. "We're very close."
Jesse pulled a worried face. "I don't even want to _know_ about you being close to Koffing."
James scowled at her, and there was an indignant "koff!" from the front of the salon. The customer was trying desperately to stifle her laughter and not ruin her cool image. She swallowed hard. "I thought you could do something with my meowth. He's a bit shy, though."
She pulled a tiny bundle of fluff from it's hiding place behind her ankles. "Meowth?" it asked, blinking it's huge, pale eyes at the pair of extravagantly dressed stylists.
"I'm not sure exactly what I want," it's owner continued, "just make it something I can walk down the street with, okay?" She turned to James. "Maybe you could try empathising with it."
James blushed prettily. The customer turned and left, and Jesse and James turned to one another. "Do you remember when Meowth was that small?" James sighed.
Jesse smacked him round the head. "We didn't know Meowth when he was that small. Now go and do your job."
"Why can't you do it?"
"Because I'm busy."
"But you're not doing anything."
"James..." She stared. He began to wilt under her gaze.
"But I miss him more than you do," he muttered.
"Meowth?" the baby meowth asked, looking up at the two new people with confusion.
She propelled James towards one of the chairs with a fan swipe, then dropped the young Meowth into his arms. It looked up at him, shyly extended a paw and gently patted his cheek. He burst into tears.
"Jesse! It's too _cute_!"
"Meowth?" It stood up, resting it's front paws on James' chest and licked his face to try to comfort him, only succeeding in making him cry harder.
Jesse took the pokémon from him and sat it in the padded reclining chair. "Why do I have to do _everything_ around here?" she snapped, pushing the sobbing James away. "Make yourself useful and fetch me the shampoo."
***
As his panic increased, Meowth once again forgot about his physical situation. He tried to kick at the sides of the pokéball and yowl at the top of his lungs. Nothing.
Forcing himself to calm a little, he attempted to reason with himself. *He knows you're here,* he thought, soothingly. *He won't leave you. Oh my God, I'm _so_ hungry... What if he never lets me out, I'll starve in here...*
Just as he was in the process of convincing himself that he didn't actually have a stomach so it wasn't possible to starve to death, the world split open, and he felt himself squashed back into shape. He fell to his knees and gasped for air with his newly reformed lungs. Giovanni stood over him, waiting. Meowth crawled to him and grasped his ankle. "Master... please... _food_..."
Giovanni bent down and gently stroked his ears. Despite his whimpering stomach, he rubbed his face against Giovanni's hand and purred. "Meowth, how could you be hungry already?"
"But it's been _years_..."
Giovanni gave a patronising chuckle and tickled Meowth's belly. "No it hasn't. I've got a little job for you."
"But I'm gonna die... I need food... get me pizza... pizza..."
A bowlful of pokémon food was put in front of him. He dived in. His master watched him eat until the bowl was empty and Meowth was full. "I want you to battle for me, Meowth."
Meowth looked worried. "I'm, er, a little out of practise, boss. Maybe you should get someone else."
"Oh, no. You'll do fine. It's just a friendly match. You remember Persian, don't you?"
Meowth just stared, his brain refusing to process the hideous words he was hearing.
"Meowth?"
"I don't wanna fight Persian, she's mean..."
"I just want to get her levels up a little. She won't hurt you."
"Yes, she will."
"No, she won't."
"Yes, she will."
"Meowth! Don't argue with your master."
"She _will_ though."
"I'll tell her to go easy on you. What's the problem, anyway? You were boasting about winning battles when you arrived. I thought Jesse and James had finally... _licked_ you into shape."
Meowth blushed a delicate pink and stared at his paws.
"Now, I'm sure you wouldn't want Persian to hear about your extra-specific exploits. All I want is a friendly little match between two of my pokémon. Do you have any problems with that?"
"No, boss," Meowth muttered, miserably.
***
*_This_ is a friendly little battle?* Meowth wondered, looking up at the long rows of deserted seats, the uppermost drowned out by the dazzling, intimidating lights that illuminated the stadium.
Persian sat opposite him, coolly washing a paw, apparently not fazed in the slightest by the elaborate set-up. She looked up at Meowth and narrowed her eyes. He scowled back. Giovanni's voice echoed out from the surround-sound speakers mounted overhead. "Ready?"
Persian slid smoothly to her feet and yowled her readiness. Meowth gave a worried smile in the vague direction of the commentary box.
"Persian! Scratch attack! Now!"
***
Meowth came round to the glare of the spotlight.
"That was a very short match, Meowth."
He closed his eyes again. "I wanna go home..." he moaned.
"But, Meowth, you _are_ home..."
***
Stifling giggles, Jesse slowly tiptoed up behind James, who was completely immersed in the his work. The young kangaskhan whose toenails he was painting - it was only four years old and stood about waist high - squinted nervously at her. She waited until he had completed the last brushstroke and was leaning back to admire the result, then she jabbed her fingertips into his ribs and screamed "James!" into his ear.
The polish made an interesting pattern on the ceiling, and James hit the ground heavily, narrowly missing the cowering kangaskhan. "What the hell are you _doing_?" he cried, not even trying to get up.
"I didn't realise you were that far out if it," Jesse gasped when she recovered from her laughter.
"I think you broke my back," James gasped, beginning to join in with Jesse's infectious giggles.
"You almost... hit the ceiling..." Jesse managed before she collapsed again. The scared kangaskhan made a break for the back door, shaking off it's toe separators as it went. The Salon Jesseé staff were still having hysterics and didn't even notice the disappearance of their client. Jesse had reached the stage where her chest and sides were aching and it was getting more and more difficult for her to catch her breath. She squeezed her eyes closed and force herself to calm down, drawing in deep breaths of air to ease her suffering lungs. She finally got herself under control, opened her eyes, took one look at James and started howling again.
"Stop... _laughing_... at me..."
"She rolled over and hugged him. "But it was _funny_..."
"No, it _wasn't_."
"I'm sorry," she giggled, hiding her face in his hair, "but it _was_ funny."
James tried to push her away, but she clung to him, easily thwarting his efforts. "Will you get _off_ me?" he snapped.
"No. Besides, you know you like it."
"I'm _sorry_?"
She grabbed him. His eyes doubled in size and he let out a small squeak. "See?" she said, grinning evilly. "You _do_ like it."
"Jesse!" he squealed. "What're you _doing_?"
She let him go and sat back. "Well, okay, if you don't want to..."
He hastily leaned towards her and rested his hands on her knees. "At least let's pull the shutters."
She smirked. "I didn't know you were so shy."
"But Koffing's grinning at me... _and_ Ekans is looking smug."
"James, they're just pokémon! What's wrong, you think Koffing's going to be jealous?"
He scowled and pulled away from her. "Maybe Ekans'll get jealous of _you_."
She heaved a deep sigh and got to her feet. "Don't be stupid, James." She turned to walk away.
"Jesse, don't.." he began, reaching out for her.
"So, you _do_ want to," she purred, smiling down at him.
He dropped his eyes. "Just no pokémon, okay?"
"Shut _up_, James. Ugh, I never want to _think_ about Meowth again."
"You didn't mind _thinking_ about him before," James muttered. She kicked him in the head. "Ow! Jesse!"
"What's the matter? Did you hurt yourself?" She sat down beside him.
"Very funny," he complained, putting his head on her shoulder. She stroked his hair, smoothing it back from his forehead.
"Ekans, get the shutters," she called. Her pokémon hooked its tail into the catch, and the slatted metal shutters rolled down, plunging the salon into semi-darkness. James eagerly reached for Jesse, and she drew him into a hug. "Hey, where'd the kangaskhan go?" she asked, looking curiously over James' shoulder.
"Who cares?" he murmured, nuzzling her ear.
"It's owner probably will," she told him, jumping hastily to her feet. James froze, the image of dark, towering, tattooed bulk floating before his eyes. "The back door's open," Jesse snapped. "James, how could you let it get away?"
"You jumped on _me_," he protested.
Just as they were about to engage in one of their rare arguments, a soft call of "kangaskaaaan," came echoing from the back of the salon. They both stared, wide-eyed, into the deep shadows.
"I see it," James hissed.
"Where?"
"There, under the sink."
"Don't scare it..."
He turned and looked at her. "Why would _I_ scare it? You're the scary one."
"Shhh..."
"Kangaskhan..." James softly cajoled. "Come here, little Kangaskhan..."
"It's not _that_ little..."
"Shh, Jess. Come on, _good_ Kangaskhan.."
"Kangaaaa!" it wailed, running towards James with it's short arms held out. It cannoned into him, knocking him flat.
"Jesse," he wheezed, "get it _off_ me..."
"I'll just shut the door. I'll be right back."
"Jesseeee..."
"Stop whining, I said I'd be right back." There was a faint _snick_ as the door was locked.
"I can't breathe... I can't move... help me..." He heard a dry rattle from behind him. "Jesse? What're you doing?"
"Kangaskhan, are you hungry?"
"Khan?" It raised it's head from James' chest. He heaved in a relieved gasp.
"Come on, Kangaskhan, lovely fresh pokémon food," Jesse called, shaking the bowl. Kangaskhan leapt to it's feet. James hastily rolled away as the pokémon ran happily for it's meal, narrowly beating Koffing and Ekans to the bowl. They both looked up expectantly at Jesse. "You've already eaten." They both looked down, sadly. "Koffing?" Jesse asked, puzzled. She hadn't realised that James' pokémon was actually capable of changing it's facial expression. *Oh well,* she thought, *I suppose James just keeps it happy all the time.* She smirked to herself. Ekans began curling pathetically around her ankles. "Oh, all _right_," she said, grabbing another two bowls.
James limped up to her side. Kangaskhan took the last ball of food and nibbled daintily at it, just as Koffing and Ekans began to gulp down theirs. James put his head on Jesse's shoulder and clasped his arms loosely around her neck. "That really hurt," he moaned into her ear. She put her arm around his waist and gave him a comforting squeeze. They stood in silence, watching the pokémon eat, until, with a loud clang, the door swung open, letting in a bright beam of sunlight.
"Kanga!" Kangaskhan cried gleefully as it ran towards its master.
"Kangaskhan! Don't you look pretty!" the seven foot biker greeted his pokémon. He scooped it up and hugged it. "What do I owe you guys?"
Jesse went to the till. "Hmm, polish, waxing, manicure, pedicure... Twenty five fifty altogether." He handed over the money. Jesse smiled and thanked him.
"Geez, buddy, you look beat," their customer commented, looking at James who, deprived of Jesse's support, was leaning against the wall.
"It sat on me," he replied, weakly, pointing at the pokémon.
"Yeah, she'll do that." He affectionately tickled the kangaskhan behind the ears. "It just means she likes you."
"Oh, good."
"Thanks guys, this is really great," he said as he walked to the door. "I'm going to tell all my friends about you." Kangaskhan waved a stubby paw. "Aww, ain't that cute!" it's owner declared. "Bye, guys!"
Jesse and James waved back, identical forced smiles on their faces. The door clicked shut. Jesse walked wordlessly forward and turned the sign to 'closed'. James came up behind her, put his arms around her waist and carried on kissing her neck.
"James?" she said softly, covering his joined hands with hers, "I know you miss Meowth, but you have to admit, it's been much more peaceful with him gone. And a lot less painful."
"Mmm. Have you noticed, we haven't made _any_ bad puns since he left, either?"
She grinned. "That's great! We should have kicked him out a long time ago."
"We should have just _left_ ages ago." He moved his hands slowly upwards. She leaned back, taking most of her weight on him.
"Shouldn't we go upstairs?" she murmured, referring to their small apartment above the salon.
"No need," he replied, letting go of her, grabbing the reclining lever of the nearest chair, and pulling it backwards until the chair lay completely flat. "After you, madam."
She curtsied. "Why, thank you, kind sir." She climbed into the chair, letting her already ridiculously short skirt ride up still further. James joined her, taking his weight on his hands, which were firmly gripping the armrests. He smiled at her and leaned down to softly kiss her lips. She wrapped her arms around him, gently stroking his back through his deep red shirt.
"I didn't think you'd want to," he whispered into her ear. "After that whole thing with Meowth I didn't think you'd want just me..."
"You're so stupid, James," she said, carefully keeping her voice gentle and affectionate. "I thought I'd made myself pretty clear..."
He lowered himself on top of her and buried his face in her hair. "I'm sorry Jess... I really didn't know _what_ you wanted..."
"You could have just asked me."
"I was afraid you'd hit me."
"I wouldn't have hit you," Jesse soothed, easing him up and sliding her hands between their bodies to begin unbuttoning his shirt.
He looked at her, doubtfully.
***
Meowth leapt away from Persian's outstretched claws, dropping down onto all four feet to sprint away from his nemesis.
"Meowth!" Giovanni boomed. "Will you stop running and _fight_?!"
"Meeeeowth!" he squalled back, losing his grip on language under the stress. Persian hissed with frustration and took off after him, the two pokémon sprinting around the edge of the brightly lit arena, occasionally changing direction as Persian attempted to catch up.
Above them Giovanni gave an irritated sigh and cracked open his pokéball. "Meowth, return."
Seeing the beam of bright energy arching towards him, Meowth gave a squeak of fear and ducked under the first row of seats. "Meowth!" Giovanni bellowed. "Get back here right _now_!"
"No! I quit!"
"You can't quit, you're a pokémon!"
"I don't _care_! _I QUIT you sadistic BASTARD_!"
Absolute silence. Meowth ran desperately for the exit.
***
"Ohh, Jess, that was incredible." He shifted slightly, trying to stop the arm of the chair from digging into his back. "You're the most beautiful woman in the world," he murmured into her hair.
She turned her head and kissed his ear. "I've often thought so."
"Can we go upstairs? I can't feel my foot."
She stretched and yawned. "Good idea."
***
"This troubles me greatly, Meowth. I thought you were a loyal pokémon."
Meowth, totally encompassed in rope except for his head and feet, and gagged with a strip of duct tape, could only struggle weakly at his master.
"You've betrayed me, Meowth. You know how important the bond of trust between a pokémon and it's master is. I'm afraid I'm going to have to sell you. I've already been approached with a number of offers. He broke off, and a faint smile played about the corners of his mouth at the thought of the money he'd been offered for the talking pokémon. "I should really find Jesse and James and have a few _words_ with them. Is this what they taught you?"
"Mmmmph mmm-mmm mmer _mph_."
"Really? How _fascinating_." He leaned forward and tore off the gag.
"Arghh! Watch the fur!"
"I _do_ apologise," Giovanni purred, with a sarcastic little bow.
"At least Jesse and James didn't treat me like an animal!" Meowth yelled, kicking furiously.
"No," his master replied, thoughtfully. "I'd say they treated you _far_ too human."
Meowth ignored the insinuation. "Just because pokémon can't talk back doesn't mean you can treat them any way you want!"
"Yes, it does. They're all mine, Meowth. As are you. Besides, if you practised, and became proficient at battling, you wouldn't think it was mistreatment." He turned and swept out, slamming the door behind him.
Left alone, Meowth began to struggle in earnest, only to quickly discover he could not escape. His arms were firmly pinned, so although he could extend his claws and feel them dig into the rope, he could barely move them, and it would take him days to claw through so much as one strand. He couldn't reach up far enough with his feet, and he couldn't reach down far enough with his mouth. He could do nothing but hang there, spinning gently, and stare out of the window.
He watched the sunset. The dark orange disc was almost half gone when the door behind him clicked open. He swung himself around and saw Persian ambling confidently across the carpet towards him.
"Hey! Hey, pal, untie me, would ya?" Persian didn't reply, simply stalked in a tight circle beneath Meowth's dangling feet. "C'mon... we're both pokémon, right? We're the same, we should stick together. C'mon, be a pal."
Persian sat down in front of him, curling her tail around herself. "Rowwwrrr, mrrrrrwror, rrr prrrr."
Meowth's eyes widened in shock and his face reddened. "You're _sick_! _He_ put you up to this, didn't he?"
"Pur."
"I'm not doing it! You can tell him I'm not falling for his stupid little tricks."
"Rrrrrr mrrrrer purrr rowrrrrrr mrrrr mrowrrrr rrr."
"I _didn't_! I _never_! I don't care what he told you, I didn't do that! I _wouldn't_, no pokémon would, you know that! Don't you?"
"_Rrro_owwrrr."
"Yeah, right."
Persian looked away haughtily, got to her tiny, delicate feet, and started for the door.
"No, wait! You'll really let me go if I do?"
"Purrr."
"You promise?"
"Purrr."
"And you won't tell the boss I've gone?"
"Pur."
He closed his eyes and heaved a despairing sigh. "All right, then. I'll do it."
Persian pushed herself upright and began clawing at Meowth's ropes.
***
By the time Jesse emerged from the shower, the sun had almost completely set. James lay stretched across the bed in the twilight, his eyes closed with happy exhaustion. She slapped him lightly on the arm. "Your turn."
"But I'm asleep," he complained.
"Go and have a shower. It'll soon wake you up, I used all the hot water."
"Thanks, Jess."
"My pleasure."
***
The last of the rope fell to the floor, along with Meowth. He shook his head to clear it and glanced out of the window. Now there was just a tiny sliver of sun visible over the horizon. He turned back to Persian, standing firmly between him and the door, a look of determination on her face.
Meowth gulped, and straightened his spine defiantly. "Let's get this over with."
***
James wandered out of the bathroom, one hand feeling the way, the other towelling off his hair. His shins bumped the edge of the mattress, and he pulled the towel off his head. He was confronted by the sight of Jesse lying stretched out on her side, dressed only in a pair of super-duper-fully-automated-anti-pikachu gloves and a look of smug superiority.
She rolled lazily onto her back, reached out a delicate hand, and grabbed him by the wrist.
His protesting cry of "Jess, please, I don't think I _can_..." was quickly muffled.
***
Meowth ran blindly through the streets of Celadon city. It was pitch black between the widely placed streetlights. Although he was surrounded by houses, none were lit. Persian's high-pitched yowling still rang in his ears, and it hurt to move, he was covered in so many scratches, but he kept going. He raced towards the city's commercial centre, running from his former master to the only sanctuary he could think of.
Unfortunately he had no idea where he was actually going.
He stopped and scrambled up onto a porch roof, craning on his tiptoes to get the best view of the surroundings. He still seemed to be on course for the gathering of large buildings, many with signs still illuminated. He leapt down and trotted onwards, slowing his pace a little in deference to his aching sides and paws.
As he got closer, the tangled mess of light began to form words and images. He gasped with hope as a huge pink 'J' appeared, and managed to force himself back up to a run.
When he reached the building, he simply sat for a while, staring up happily at the sign, and getting his breath back. "_Who's_ the top cat?" he whispered to himself. "Gettin' away from the bad guy, findin' his way through the city to a place he doesn't know, even though it's the middle of the night, all without any help from humans. And if I could open a tin of pokémon food with paws, I wouldn't even be here now." He paused briefly to preen, then, without much hope, tried the front door. It was locked. He quickly scaled the gate that blocked off the alley beside the salon. The back door was also locked, but the pokémon flap was swinging free. He pushed it open, and entered.
Koffing and Ekans looked up in surprise. They were having a surreptitious midnight snack in the corner. Meowth waved a lightly lacerated paw at them. "Hi, guys. Did you miss me?"
His friends converged on him, and they had a group hug. Or an approximation of a group hug, as only one of the participants actually had arms. They finally pulled apart, and Meowth wiped away the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. "Aw, I missed you guys, too."
***
Jesse was perched on James' lap, her lips pressed against his, and her fingers buried in his cool, damp hair. Her anti-pikachu gloves had long since been hurled to opposite corners of the room. He pulled back, reclaiming his tongue, and kissed down her throat to the upper slopes of her breasts, slowly leaning her further and further back.
She allowed herself to be lowered to the mattress. James continued to kiss and lick at her breasts and shoulders, one hand sliding downwards over her stomach.
***
Meowth left Koffing and Ekans to their picnic and bounded up the stairs to surprise his other former teammates. As he neared the bedroom door it became obvious that he wasn't going to have to wake them up. He peered around the door, a thoughtful smile on his face.
Jesse was lying on her back, with her face turned towards him, but her eyes closed. He tip-toed forward to the edge of the bed, hoping that James wouldn't look up. He then rested his paws on the mattress's bouncing surface and grinned, evilly.
"Why didn't you wait for Meowth?" he asked, loudly.
Jesse and James both screamed, flew apart, and pedalled back across the bed. Jesse snatched up the blanket and wrapped it around herself. James just hid behind her.
"Don't sweat it, sweetheart, I've seen it all before," Meowth told Jesse, with a casual wave of a paw.
"Meowth!" she squeaked, then cleared her throat and tried again. "Meowth, what're you doing here?"
"Yeah, inexplicable bonds, Meowth," James chipped in from over Jesse's shoulder.
"Did he free you?"
"What do we care?" James asked, confused.
"Because I don't want a load of Giovanni's goons showing up at the door asking for the boss's meowth back, idiot."
"Well, he kinda didn't," Meowth said, shuffling his feet.
Jesse jumped up from the bed. "Out! Right now!" James yelped and grabbed the blanket.
"No!" Meowth howled, grabbing onto the doorframe as Jesse tried to drag him out of the room. "You can't throw me out, I haven't got anywhere else to go..."
"You should have thought about that before you ran away from your master! Let _go_..."
"Please, Jesse, don't send me away. Think of all the fun we had, huh? D'you remember in the hotel that time, when James didn't even realise..."
"Hey! I'm right here, remember?"
"And you could try helping me," Jesse complained, abruptly changing direction and leaning back into the room as she attempted to prise Meowth's claws out of the wood.
"Please don't make Meowth go," the pokémon wailed, tears pouring down his face.
"Let go of the damn _door_ you stupid _cat_!"
"Owwwww, Jesseeeee!"
There was a small splintering noise, and Jesse and Meowth went flying backwards to fall across James.
"Argghhh! Meowth! _Claws_!"
"Sorry, pal. Threat reflex."
"Jesse...?"
"_What_."
"Can we keep him...?"
"We've only just got rid of him."
Meowth tried to encourage his ally by rubbing his face against James' shoulder. He smiled in a worried, but happy way, and gently stroked Meowth's soft fur. "Oh, but, Jesse..."
"Whining isn't going to help. And neither's purring, Meowth."
James whispered something into Meowth's ear.
"What?" Jesse asked, glaring suspiciously at her bedmates.
Meowth jumped off James to land lightly on Jesse's bare chest. She yelped and shot upright, but Meowth hooked his paws, claws carefully retracted, over her shoulders and clung on. While she was distracted, James slid around behind her and rubbed himself against her buttocks. His erection had not suffered much from Meowth's interruption, but she wriggled away. "Will you _both_ please get off me?"
James snuggled up closer. Meowth dropped into her lap and clung onto her waist in case she tried to get rid of him again. "please, Jess," James moaned into her ear. "I need to..."
Meowth began nuzzling at the undersides of her breasts. She batted him away. "I'm not doing _anything_ with that cat."
James reached his arms around her. One hand quickly caressed Meowth's ears then pushed beneath him, while the other hand gently moved from one nipple to the other.
"James, I mean it," she snapped, "just cut it _out_. Meowth, get off." She bucked her hips, trying to dislodge him, but he hung on. James took advantage of her slightly altered position to push his forefinger fully inside her. She gasped, lifting herself from the bed, but James followed the movement. Meowth snuggled in deeper and lapped gently at the area just above James' hand, carefully using only the very tip of his tongue, not the rough barbs behind. She gave an almost pained cry, closing her eyes and rolling her head back against James' shoulder. He rubbed his face into her hair and pulled her earring away with his teeth.
Meowth and James met each others eyes briefly. James slid slowly sideways, letting her lie back against the soft mattress. She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him down with her. Meowth hastily wriggled out from between them as James wrapped himself around Jesse every bit as tightly as she was clinging to him. Determined not to be left out this time, he paced up to the head of the bed, clawed James away from Jesse's mouth, and began to lick at her in a vague imitation of James' earlier enthusiastic antics. She pushed him away.
"Ugh, Meowth, you taste like pokémon food, go away..."
James, meanwhile, slid happily back inside her, the uncomfortable sense of frustration that had been coiling within him since Meowth's triumphant homecoming beginning to dissipate and be replaced with desperate pleasure. Jesse pushed her hands blindly over his chest, up to squeeze at his shoulders, then down again. As he pulled slightly upwards to get a better angle, Meowth quickly darted in and began to suckle at her breasts, rubbing himself against her abdomen, the small irregularity of her belly button providing delightful stimulation.
She didn't seem to notice. She had twisted her head away and closed her eyes again. Meowth chose to believe that she enjoyed it, since she had given no indication of displeasure, and carried on.
Above them both, James was passing the point of caring about anyone else's enjoyment. He looked down at Jesse with gentle awe. She looked impossibly young and beautiful, her deep, dark lips parted slightly and her hand twining uncertainly in her hair. Meowth spoiled the view a little, but he didn't mind so much. He shut his eyes and rolled his head back, feeling his hair fall back and softly tickle his shoulder blades, a picture forming in his mind of Jesse sans Meowth.
Jesse squeezed her legs more tightly around James' waist and clutched at the edge of the mattress with her outstretched hand. She opened her eyes a crack and gazed up at her partner. They'd spent so many platonic years together, and that night at the hotel had been such a strange surpise... Her train of thought broke off abruptly as Meowth yowled like something dying. A wet warmth spread across her stomach, but she barely noticed, as James had thrust into her as hard and deep as he could with a choked off cry, and she also cried out as she came.
Meowth crawled away to flop down onto the pillows beside them, spread-eagled on his back with a wide, satisfied grin on his face. James started sniffling into Jesse's hair. "Oh, Jess, that was so beautiful," he whimpered, only to be interrupted by Koffing and Ekans bounding noisily into the room. They threw themselves at their respective masters with cries of sugar-filled delight. The abused bed creaked ominously.
As it collapsed backwards, shattering the floorboards beneath it, the only recognisable words that could be heard above the noises of destruction were "blasting off again..."
the end.
or...