The Duchess Assignment.

Initial Thoughts: Seems like ages since I've done one of these... Damn my laziness.

Casino Royale: Parker and Lady P at the casino - lose the lot, you rich bastards! I'm sure I had that exact same toy roulette wheel when I was little...

Soitanly: Why are all the bad guys from New York, anyway?

Casino even more Royale: The Duchess of Royston at the casino - lose the lot, you rich bitch! Oh, wait, you are... Carry on.

Fash Clash: That's embarassing - Lady P and the Duchess both wore the same tiara. Good thing the Duchess gambles hers away pretty quick.

Statistics: I don't know why they bothered fixing the tables, considering the odds are so astronomically in the house's favour. Gambling's for morons, and if you lose all your money you shouldn't complain and start shooting at the manager on what is, at best, circumstantial evidence, you should stop gambling. If you're willing to take a risk in the first place, there's no use whinging when it doesn't turn out in your favour.

International Rescue's Finest: So Parker and Lady P manage to lose the croupier, the Duchess and the casino manager all in the space of five minutes. Bloody brilliant secret agents they are.

Silly English Kerniget: French accents of awfullness. Roll on Tony Anholt... (He plays a Frenchman in the Protectors, if you're wondering)

Estate: There's never any castles on the market when you're looking for a house, is there? Mind you, that looks more like a stately home to me.

The Lady and the Tramp. Er, Duchess, Sorry: No, don't help the crappy Duchess bitch. It's her own stupid fault. Lock her up in a gamblers anoymous meeting.

Jolly Good Shew: Bless Jeff trying to be English... But why? I thought most Americans were proud of their country... Being snotty and upper class is obviously in this season.

Enemy: Look, look! Behind the two poncey English airmen with the Biggles moustaches! It's the Hood! Get him!

Two for One: I do like the carrier aircraft. Few practical applications spring immediately to mind, but it's bloody cool.

Lion Food: The whole of the Gazelle building rules, although I think that lift's gonna overthrow it's human masters and create a superior machine race to take over the world.

The Practical Mind: "I tell you, this could be the symbol of the whole Gazelle organisation!" What, a gazelle? You surprise me.

Patriotism: "...good old British compromise..." What? Since when? Name one historical event where it can honestly be said that the British compromised. Anyone...?

Zoooom: Pretty Fireflash.

Tracker: "Well, it'll be nice to keep track of the Duchess' progress with this." 'Where's she going now? Into a male strip club? I say Parker...'

Briefing: "Scott?" "OK, father, I'm on my way..." 'No, I was going to ask you to make the tea...'

Zoooom 2: Alan - "Launching A-OK, father." 'Yep, Virgil missed the cliff this time.'

Pretty: Aw, look at the little mice!

Wierd Science: The Duchess - "Oh dear, that gas... it's leaking all over the place..." That'll be diffusion, then. You poncey cow.

Pretty 2: The house goes sky high... But the Duchess still survives. Still, it's nice how they didn't get there in the nick of time for once.

Pretty 3: I love the little lights on the ends of TB2's wings.

Pretty 4: Go Moley, it's your birthday...

Shark Repellant: TB2's pods are a bit like Batman's utility belt. The stuff they've got's quite handy considering they didn't have the faintest idea what they'd need.

Breakthrough: But... how could Virg get himself in, and then him and the Duchess out of the basement, when it was only ever the tip of the Mole's nose that went through the wall?

Another Breakthrough: "If only we knew in advance what the conditions were..." They've been listening to me!

Tension Building: "But was he in time to save the Duchess?" Unfortunately, yes.

Gratitude: "... those remarkable young men from International Rescue..." Run, boys, run! Horny old woman!

Ponies: Desperate Intruder, the race horse. Very funny. It's a shame they re-titled all the episodes for the first run in America...

Fin: What a happy ending, the terminal gambling addict has lots of money so she can lose it all over again. Hoorah.