Compressed Blake's 7 episode, no 2.

"The terrible and comic death of Olag Gan"

By Ceefax.

BLAKE: Ah, what a beautiful day.

VILA: We're in space, how can you tell?

BLAKE: Don't ruin it, or I'll pinch your whisky.

VILA: (gulp)

AVON: (entering stage left, otherwise known as the door) Jesus H. Christ, it's a fucking miserable day.

Vila carefully says nothing.

JENNA: (glaring at Avon) It's not that time of the month again already, is it?

BLAKE: Wait a minute, how can you know about Jesus? The evil Federation banned religion generations ago (So they can't be all bad).

AVON: Oh, piss off, you pedantic twat.

Cally wanders onto the flight deck, then collapses in a brittle heap at Blake's feet.

BLAKE: Is it just me, or is she worse than usual this morning?

CALLY: Gan... ate all weetabix... need ryvita... must have ryvita...

VILA: My god, the poor woman's insane...

AVON: (mournfully) He ate all the sausages as well.

JENNA: (to self) Bastard.

BLAKE: This is getting ridiculous. Gan's eating the supplies faster than we can steal them.

AVON: Told you we should have left him on Cygnus Alpha. You never listen to me, you self-obsessed freak.

BLAKE: That's because you talk nothing but shite, you fetishistic little wuss!

JENNA: (leaping between them and pushing them apart, subtly groping Blake in the process) Oy! Shut the fuck up, and figure out what to do about the Bottomless Hole before Cally dies of hunger!

AVON: Too late, I just trod on her.

VILA: Let's sell him out and collect the reward.

JENNA: Why? We don't need the money, we've got the treasure room.

AVON: Yes, Vila, you remember, the handy plot device that renders your (and, to a lesser extent, my) obsession with obtaining material wealth entirely irrelevent untill I destroy the Liberator and everything on it...

BLAKE: Wait a minute, you destroy the Liberator?

ZEN: (gulp)

AVON: Um, hypothetically speaking, of course.

Everyone stares suspiciously.

AVON: What? Leave me alone! I know you all hate me anyway! (runs out crying)

BLAKE: O kaay...

JENNA: I don't care what he says, he needs HRT.

VILA: I've got an idea!

Blake and Jenna stare disbelievingly.

VILA: No, really, I have. Listen, this is good. We go blow something up, then leave him there.

JENNA: You mean like we tried to do with Cally?

VILA: Exactly. (to self) Bloody homing Aurons.

BLAKE: (does heroic stare into distance) Yes! Let us destroy the evil Federation!

Cut to evil Federation research base.

TRAVIS: (to self) About bloody time.

SERVALAN: I'm sorry, Travis, did you say something?

TRAVIS: Nothing, Supreme Commander, just talking to myself.

The mutoid perched on Servalan's lap gives him a knowing leer. He flicks an evil rubber band at it.

SERVALAN: Now, what evil discoveries do you have to show me? I grow bored of my mutoid's ministrations, and I want to watch worthless labour-grades being tortured to death for no good reason.

The mutoid looks hurt. Travis minces over to the large viewer built into the wall, and switches it on. A dopey looking extra is shown. Servalan pulls out a bucket of popcorn.

TRAVIS: Although our attempts to create an evil teleport have so far failed completely, we have been able to turn a subject inside out instead...

As he is about to give the order to activate the evil turning inside-out machine, a huge explosion rocks the complex. The extra is killed as the set collapses around him. Blake, Avon, Jenna and Gan materialise in the center of the room, armed with neutron blasters. Servalan panics and throws her popcorn at them. Travis hides under a console.

BLAKE: Gan, quick, run down that corridor with the huge cracks in the ceiling and jump up and down!

JENNA: But that could destroy the entire complex, Blake! He's not worth dying for!

BLAKE: It's a risk we're just going to have to take. Is that Travis under that console?

TRAVIS: No.

BLAKE: That's okay then.

Meanwhile, Avon and Servalan have retired to a nearby corner and are snogging noiseily. Blake and Jenna finally notice. Jenna goes slightly green and calls for teleport.

BLAKE: Avon! How could you!

AVON: You never let me have any fun! It's so unfair! I hate you!

At that moment the roof collapses.

BLAKE: Thank fuck for that. Vila, teleport us up.

End credits.