Compressed Blake's 7 episode, no. 6.

"So This is Farewell" or "Andromeda Attacks"

by Ceefax.

(Flight deck of Liberator. Blake is slumped over the sofa, staring intently at the viewscreen. He sighs heavily)

ZEN: Information. Blake, you are fogging the screen. Recommended course of action - stop breathing so much.

(Blake glares, but doesn't reply. Vila wanders in a little unsteadily, clutching a bottle)

VILA: Hello. Care for a drink? (He offers Blake the bottle)

BLAKE: I'm on watch, Vila.

VILA: Never stopped m... I mean, of course you are. So you shouldn't drink. That would be bad. Yes.

(Blake shakes his head with despair and goes back to staring at the viewscreen)

VILA: (taking another swig) What're you sulking about anyway?

BLAKE: I don't know... It all just seems so pointless. I mean, are we really making any kind of difference? The Federation still controls most of the galaxy, the existing revolutionary groups aren't making any progress, the most powerful ship in existance has consoles that wobble if you lean on them too hard...

VILA: Everyone likes Avon more than you, even though he's got all the maturity and charm of a ten-year-old...

BLAKE: (glaring) Yeees... What this show really needs is...

VILA: A budget? Mentally stable costume designers?

BLAKE: No. I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and I've decided what we really need is big squidgy aliens.

VILA: Have a drink. You'll feel much better.

(Cut to surface of a planet. Many Scientists are gathered around a water cooler)

FIRST SCIENTIST: So, my fellow big squidgy aliens, are we all agreed?

OTHER SCIENTISTS: Yes!

FIRST SCIENTIST: We shall take over this miserable little galaxy!

OTHER SCIENTISTS: Yes!

SECOND SCIENTIST: Do we have to? It's a bit manky...

FIRST SCIENTIST: Shut it.

(All the other scientists do evil laughing. Cut to corridor. The manic laughing can still be heard, though. A GIRL leans against the wall in an obvious 'listening' pose)

GIRL: Oh my God! The evil squidgy aliens are going to take over the galaxy! I've got to get help!

(She runs off dramatically down the corridor. Cut to Liberator's teleport area)

BLAKE: (to Avon, standing in the teleport bay) Ready?

AVON: Remind me again, why am I going to the planet?

BLAKE: Dunno... crystals?

AVON: (shrugs) Good enough...

(Cut to corridor on the planet. The girl hurtles past, then screams and trips over nothing)

GIRL: Please, you've got to help me!

AVON: (after looking around to check she wasn't talking to anyone else) You could try standing up.

GIRL: ARGGHhhhh! Aliens! Big squidgy aliens!

(A scientist comes around the corner. He is bald, in his mid-fifties, and looks like someone's dad. The girl screams again. Avon shoots the scientist)

SCIENTIST: Urrghhhh... (dies. Turns into a big squidgy alien)

AVON: Bloody hell... He was a big squidgy alien...

GIRL: (climbing awkardly to her feet) Well, duh. Told you he was.

(Avon shoots her)

GIRL: Urrrgghhhh... (dies. Doesn't turn into a big squidgy alien)

AVON: Ah, well. Can't be right all the time. (Into teleport bracelet) Blake, bring me up. There's an invasion of big squidgy aliens!

(Cut to Liberator)

BLAKE: We must fight the big squidgy aliens to make the galaxy safe for all of humanity!

(Ext. shot of Liberator zooming heroically into battle)

(Cut ahead a few months. The aliens are winning, and the Liberator has been shot. A lot)

ZEN: Information. Damage sustained is exceeding the capacities of the auto-repair circuits... Ah, Gawd, now the siren's busted... Awooga! Awooga! Abandon ship!

BLAKE: (with his head in his hands) What was I thinking? The big squidgy aliens were supposed to unite humanity against a mutual enemy, but they're just kicking all our arses... Where do we keep the escape pods again?

AVON: We have escape pods? Why did nobody tell me?

JENNA: (grabbing Blake by the arm) Please don't go! Don't leave me with Avon!

VILA: Uh... Hadn't we all better go? What with the life support failing and everything...

(They all troop down to the place where the escape pods live)

AVON: Bags I'm going with Orac!

(Nobody argues. Blake and Jenna get into get into the first pod. As soon as the door closes behind them, a large chunk of scenery hits Avon on the head, and he collapses unconscious. Vila and Cally roll their eyes at each other, shove him into the next pod, then take the last for themselves)

VILA: I hope we land on a nice friendly planet...

End Credits